Thursday, May 05, 2011

dilema ibu bekerjaya global

salam

skrg dkt opis memang bz manjang. sebabnya bos saya yg haritu dah resign lepas setahun je. too much pressure kot ek. umur dah 63 tahun nak report to big boss la, spend duit yg juta2 swiss franc la. baik dok rumah je jaga cucu. so now ol*v dah berhenti dan accept a fellowship assignment dkt university oxford. lebih tenang kot. so sementelah, makcik la yang boss dkt sini. cuma ade la rakan sekerja mat saleh yang teringin nak jadi 'bos bersama' walaupun jwtnnya cuma regional officer sahaja dkt suva sana. Suva dekat mana tatau? tu dekat Fiji dok dekat lautan pasifik dekat2 dgn Australia. Hmm hari2 aku di skype nye. Aku pun ye la nak kerjasama pasukan sentiasa la tanya pendapat dia kan, tetiba dia feeling2 boss lak...layannn.


sebenarnya mat saleh ni pandai cakap aje..lain2 tu kita lagi pandai dr diorg. sebab kan kita kurang cakap banyak kerja. diorg banyak buang masa dgn bercakap, last2 kerja tak siap. tapi part bodek bos kita le kalah sbb tak pandai ckp...hmmm tengah belajar la ni mcmana nak balance between pandai kerja dan pandai cakap..


hampir 3 tahun aku dlm program ni aku makin dihormati dan disegani la (apesal mode bongkak je arini). tak sangka lak ramai orang minta pandangan input dan tunjuk ajar. terasa diriku tua nyeh. tapi disebabkan makin pandai, aku terpaksa la travel ke sana sini sebab kwsn jajahan kerja aku ni adalah 36 negara di asia pasifik. kalau tak berjalan alamatnya tak berbelanja la duit suku juta Australian Dollar yang kitorg dpt utk tahun ni.


Contohnya minggu depan aku kena pegi training org dkt Singapore, minggu berikutnya ke Manila pulak. Bulan depan kena sertai planning meeting utk team aku dkt Geneva. tu belum campur beberapa projek yang bakal habis dan kena g tutup dekat Pakistan dan nepal. Masak !!.


Dulu masa single memang bestlah kalau kerja kena pergi sana sini. masa takde anak pun best jugak walaupun rindu2 suami kan. sekarang ni...hmmmmm





izzah alhamdulillah masih lagi full bf sampai sekarang hampir 7 bulan. ada lagi setahun 5 bulan nak lengkap 2 tahun penyusuan. dalam tempoh tu pasti banyak cabarannya kan. masa pegi manado haritu 3 hari 2 malam, memang sengsara mak dia ni kerinduan, bangun malam nak perah susu, dapatlah bawak balik setong coleman tu. tapi dah berjanji dgn diri sendiri taknak tinggalkan izzah lebih dr 2 malam. kesian dia. sekarang pun dah makin attach, malam2 mmg nk mak aje. hmmmmm....


jadi solution utk singapore adalah pergi balik hari, which is fine, tak payah bermalam dkt tempat lain. utk manila, memang kena pergi seminggu no less, tapi nature training ni kamu duduk dlm hotel saja organise nya. so feasible la jugak nak membawa anak daraku itu. tetapi trick dia adalah sapa lak nak jaga izzah masa aku tengah bertungkus lumus di bilik meeting. mula2 nak bawak mak tersayang tetapi makku itu diperlukan oleh 10 lagi adik2 saya, dan jugak atok saya, hmm. alhamdulillah adik saya yang di USIM tu bercuti jadi sesuailah dibawa ke Manila. kena la sponsor tiket beb...berkorban apa saja


now, Geneva...2 hari ko duduk dlm flight saja. meeting nya 3 hari. tengah buntu tatau nak buat apa.


tu belum Pakistan, Nepal which are so not conducive to bring small babies


Maybe I have to learn to let go...

Monday, March 28, 2011

CARA SIMPLE BUAT PUREE...

Kanda. Dinda. Rayyan: CARA SIMPLE BUAT PUREE...: "CARA BUAT PUREE BUAH/SAYUR: 1. Rebus/stim buah/sayur. Kalau rebus, kena rebus satu2 buah/sayur... gunakan sikit je air dan api kecik ye. Kal..."

Friday, March 04, 2011

our little najwa izzah


2 months


2months rilek atas katil




dah mula bam bam, chillex dgn atok






main2 dgn abah









one month




jumpa besfren nama nurul hana sakinah












i'm a one month baby! i'm 3.4kg





3 days to one month






23 days









9 days - baru sudah cukur botak





4 days - kuning sikit










Thursday, March 03, 2011

life just happens

catatan below is my 'surat update hidup' kepada my bffs. just to share with you guys!

many things happening in my life lately. latest my wan meninggal ahad lps. so my wan ni dia paling kurang sakit2 compared to atok. tp last week thursday dia masuk KBMC (tpt aku bersalin tu) sbb mengadu sakit perut. mak aku jaga full time. mak kata tgklah wan dia sakit sgt tak penah tgk wan sakit mcmtu. selalu dia buat2 tak sakit je tau. kalini mmg nampak dkt muka dia kerut2. so hari sabtu aku gi tgk wan. dgn izin Allah masa azan maghrib, mak aku takde kt wan aku sbb dia g solat. so wan tiba2 batuk and wet her bed. i had to papah her masuk bilik air, tukarkan kain, pakaikan pampers dgn makndak, clean her up, and amikkan wuduk. lama aku dok dlm bilik air dgn dia. pastu papah her back to katil. pakaikan tudung, and socks so dia bole jamak maghrib isyak. menginsafkan sgt masa tu tp i was glad Allah buka jalan utk aku, sebab about 12hours pastu she passed on. abes sume tu aku nak g jln2 KLCC so i said goodbye to her, she smiled at izzah and kissed izzah and i kissed her suh dia cpt baik. aku g KLCC g belikan vicks dgn minyak yu yee cap limau utk dia cos dia ngadu tekak dia pedih rasa luka2 seluruhnya. pas balik KLCC dlm jam 11 aku singgah KBMC hantar ubat tu dan fetch mak. masatu wan dah tutup lampu tidur ditemani paklang. hmm never that i know, subuh tu wan pergi selama2nya. Ya Allah terima kasih sebab buat aku tak terkilan and got the chance to be with my Wan even only for short time.

so now atok stays with us (umah mak). he cant bear staying in tampin house cos asik teringat2 arwah. tapi aku tatau arrangement mcmana minggu dpn when we depart for aceh. aku terpikir nk sponsor je tiket atok ikut kitorg tp dont think he larat jalan2. ksian kang.

lagi..i received a news that i have to travel to manado (indon) 16 march ni. aku dok doa tak jadi..if yes this will be first time aku parted dgn izzah at night. huuu sedih. aku dah terpikir possibility of bringing her, tp ksian dia kot nanti. travel ni bukan senang. aku nk bwk brg aku pun kelam kabut..so i will pump and bring back stok susu..kena plan logistiknye lah..ade je banyak mommies yg travel for work and still continue bf, kena cekal banyak lah.

hmmmmmm..izzah plak mlm smalam jatuh tilam (nasib kitorg belum ade katil!). terjerit ok. asalnya aku bf dia then peluk dia kt tgh katil, tau tau dia dah takde dan terjerit dkt bwh. omgg sian. dia baru pandai roll over and roll back..so dah merata2 atas katil. dia kalo seblom tido akan roll2 sampai dia selesa baru tido huhu..so kitorg tgh dok consider nk beli baby cot..haha lambat kan.., wpun maybe last2 tido dgn kitorg juga, at least ade option lah.

alamak aku kena g sambung keja..bubbye dulu guys

heeeeeee

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

i am still alive and i need new motivation

hi everyone, assalamualaikum!

yes, i am still blogging. everyday i blog in my head. hehe.

not too busy at work, but i am just wordless. izzah is soon to be 5 months old. she is already a cheeky little one, very2 lasak. motherhood treated me fine. except for extra tiredness, i dont have any complaints, izzah doesnt cry or scream alot. she's such a chill baby.

have gone through ups and downs of health and emotions lately, but still hanging there.

will write more!
daaa

Thursday, October 28, 2010

the birth story

so the baby has arrived!
she is 20 days and currently fast asleep. now that she has developed her routines of sleeping and feeding, and i have adjusted to my own sleep catching up, i could update this blog on the historical day - and the days leading towards it!

eversince my 37 week checkup, i have imagined that baby is on its way anytime very very soon. my doc said, 'all is good, head is locked, your amount of water is just nice'.. so everyday, i use the toilet or go to sleep with some anticipation of bloody show or water break. it became a real paranoia when you actually reach 40weeks, and nothing happens. everyday i tell people that it could be any time soon, but when people see me the next day, they will ask ' ahhh you still pregnant?!!' p.a.r.a.n.o.i.d

so on my 39th week checkup that was on the 4th October, doc said that my placenta is very matured, and my water looks a little less than it should be. anyways, doc gave another 5 days, and she'll see me again on friday the 8th and 'get me delivered', if nothing happens. i got an MC for the whole week, and the waiting continues.

i was so not easy at home, waiting for 'something' to show up, every little second. so i decided to make myself busy with mak visiting my new nephew, Uwais who was born on the 3rd October, and entertaining my 2 other cheeky nephews. I would tell Uwais' story next, which still leave me in tears, until now...

anyways..on Thursday, i went to see mak and abah's house which is still in renovation, before going shopping clothes for Uwais. that night we played dress up with Uwais and took family photos. I'm glad i did that the day before i send myself to hospital, at least, some of my memories with my baby nephew..ahh, i'll tell his story in the next entry..

so comes Friday the 8th Oct. our doc appointment was at 9.30 am. i only managed to eat 2 slices of toast, before heading off to hospital. hubby was fasting cos his blood needs to be taken for some other tests. so we planned to have a full breakfast after checkups.

during the checkup, doc told us that the baby needs to be delivered that day and i had a 3cm opening. so she arranged for check-ins, and prepare for labor. my hubby insisted that we have something to eat first, cos it will be a long day. but the nurses said no, doc has instructed me to start the labor process. so i was showed my bed in the ward before hubby went out for breakfast alone. i was asked to change into hospital attire.

a nurse came and inserted something into my anus- she said for bowel movement. sure enough it took only 5 minutes before i ran to the toilet. and before i knew it, i was whisked away into the labor room. my doc came and set the IV drip. She put me on pitocin (to induce labor). that was 11.30am.

and then she broke my water. doc said that if my water comes out clear, we can go ahead on the induction and go natural, but if its greenish in color then we need to have emergency labor (means that the baby is already in distress and meconium was already present). i was praying that i would not need a c-sect. but my water came out clean, so we will just wait for the labor to kick off.

my husband came and accompany me before he had to go for jumaat prayers. He was contemplating to go or not to go, but the doc said, ohh it will be a while...yikes. i did not feel anything painful from then until 3pm. and i didnt know what to expect. i know from the look of my doc that she asked the nurses to put a drip at a 'higher dosage' since 'i could still laugh'. arghh. i keep on reciting prayers of Nabi Yunus, zikrullah and played surah maryam on my phone. my family and close friends checked upon me, and hubby answered that i am still in labor.

a nurse on the next shift came in and checked my opening - still 3cm tight, and she said please tolerate the pain a bit cos she 'wanted to help'. she did something that was so painful and uncomfortable at my cervics while reciting selawat. i cried cos that was the first painful experiecned i felt that day. and finally she said..'ok kak now it is 4cm' oh she was expanding it i see..i still had nightmares of that process till now!

3.30pm - i started feeling some tightness that was somewhat painful every 5 minutes, but it is still tolerable. because i could still laugh. i had another 'expansion' thing after that, and at 4.30 doc said she wanted to pick up her daughter (my cousin) at school- remember my doc is my aunty. i asked her would she manage..she said yeah sure there's plenty of time. hubby gave me a piece of vadey and i took some dates and air zam zam. That was the only food i had for the day.

5pm - the contractions started to feel quite painful, but with long intermittent. my phone is already dead, and i just do not want to pick up any calls at that point of time. the intense contractions made me so hopeful that i will be more dilated and labor could progress faster.

6pm - i was only 5cm dilated, thats halfway to go. the nurse said for first time mothers, 1cm normally is equivalent to an hour, so if i still not fully dilated at 10pm tonight, 'we will have a different story'...argh

7pm-9pm - my body starts to feel achy and weak. i could not lay flat anymore, my bum is painful as hell. doc and nurses put on a CTG machine to check on baby's heartbeats. for a while, baby seems to have a weak count. i really dont like the look on my gynae's face- thats the disadvantage when you have your aunt as your doc, you can read what they are thinking..the contraction is now so so intense, and all i can say is, sakittt sakittt sakittt..my husband stayed by my side, even though i know he's also panicked.

10pm - i really could not tolerate the pain anymore. it came at 2 minutes interval and very very intense. i did not have time to breathe. i really dont care whats happening around me, i dont think i could survive to push when the time comes. from the pain i guess i could be fully dilated by now. doc came and checked my openings..what a horror when she said '6cm aishah'..oh Allah, please help me. doc asked me' we take epidural ok, you are have your own contraction, no drugs'..i was hesitant for a while, in pain..before i succumbed and said yes..i mean how long more i could tolerate this, i had no room to gain strength for the big push later. nurse came and asked me to sign on the dotted lines, meaning i have agreed to take epidural.

10.45pm- the anaesthethist came and put me on epidural. she took quite a while to find my spinal canal before inserting the cathether..in between 3 intense contractions, gosh..she was abit cynic about me taking epidural, when i am already a 6. i told her i wanted to experience birth naturally and the pain, and i felt it. i immediately felt numb and painless, my doc put me on the highest pitocin dosage (and i dont feel a thing). i laughed, and everybody in the labor room was relieved. the nurses clean me up a little, give me something to drink, and even asked me to sleep for a while to gain energy to push.

11.15pm - i felt something warm down there, and doc said hey you are fully dilated..get ready to push!..nurse stopped epidural for me to feel the contractions to make it easier to push. they asked me to put my legs on a steel bar and ask me to pull a leather handle while pushing. i cant remember how many pushes i did, on the sides and flat..everybody in the room were like cheerleaders..'alright aishah thats gooddd, come onnn..'

11.45pm - the baby came out..so beautiful, and so loud. her body was full of meconium, and there's plenty in her mouth too (we were just in time, thanks to epidural). i was laughing, sweaty, happy and relieved. baby was taken away, and i birthed the placenta and had episiotomy (not much)...


Najwa Izzah was born at 1145pm, weighing 2.88kg..healthy alhamdulillah.

Friday, September 24, 2010

the guessing game

salam everyone! Selamat Hari Raya

38 weeks 3 days..

and the guessing game starts!..both husband and I are excited. think most of preparation is done and just waiting for the little one to pop out.


pregnancy

baby is now engaged and her head is locked to the birth canal. amniotic fluid is also lesser, a sign that she is ready for delivery anytime. our baby is just around 2.5kg, a cutie pie. I dont worry too much about her weight because i believe she could just be my size when i was born (2.6kg). my body is growing less comfortable by day, and aching everywhere. i cant sit on the floor, or sit for a long period of time, and i would have trouble walking properly when i stand up. i could feel its becoming heavier and my movement is now slower. i have breathing challenge, and get tired easily.


work

but still go to work, ..i plan to work until i see the signs. furthermore hospital is just a stone throw away from the office, and i prefer to be here busy rather than sleeping at home entertaining my dreams of scary labor hahaha. husband has been sending and fetching me from work lately. my replacement is coming next week, and handing over all my work to her hopefully. then i will basically off-work mode till the end of the year.

raya
it was as usual but i insisted a photo session to 'document my state visually'. and so we did



everything has blown out of proportion, my nose, my chest.everything.

and this year, we missed the opportunity to visit my husband's kampung in perak, as it will take at least 3 hours drive. sorry mak mertua. but we had our balik kampung trip to my own atok in Tampin N9. So it was a blast..!

my aim was to eat all i can before the little one arrives. hehe
so i hope to update about my birth story in the next post..make sure u guys stay tuned, pray for us OK?